


How It Should Be

by theshyauthor



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Asexual Character, Asexual!Dan, Asexuality, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dating Night, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Some angst, respectful!Phil, talks about sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshyauthor/pseuds/theshyauthor
Summary: Dan is asexual and Phil is okay with that, which is exactly how it should be.





	How It Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> Over a year ago I posted [Bones](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7788802), which dealt with the struggle of asexuality. The comments on there were very encouraging, and I decided months ago that I'd like to eventually write a phanfic that deals with asexuality in a positive way. Over a year later, I've finally written it. Hope you enjoy and would love to know your thoughts on it. :) x

Phil takes Dan out for dinner. He does it every once in a while. Wine and dine Dan in a beautiful restaurant, until he’s pleasantly full on heavenly-good food and his cheeks are rosy from the red wine that he might have had one too many glasses of.

They’ve been dating for so long now, eight years to be exact, that sometimes their relationship feels a bit repetitive and boring. Lazy nights in front of the TV, always the same conversations, the same boardgames, the same sex.

Not that the sex is boring or anything, but it’s just-

repetitive. Like the rest of their relationship from time to time, which is normal because they’ve been dating for eight years now and that’s just a really long time.

So Phil takes him out for dinner, and he makes Dan feel like he’s the most beautiful man in all of London tonight. Compliments and little touches, muffled giggles into wineglasses. It’s nights like this that make Dan remember why he fell in love with Phil all these years ago. Not that he doesn’t remember every single day, but on these special nights the quirks of his lover that make him nag at the other at home become charming traits that make Dan bite the insides of his cheeks to not smile too fondly.

Phil drapes an arm over his shoulder on his way home. The air is chilly, which is not a surprise as it is the end of November, and the first Christmas lights are already twinkling in shop windows. Dan doesn’t feel cold though, not with Phil right next to him, listening to his deep voice ramble on about something irrelevant. Dan is content like this. He could stay out in the cold all night long, and he wouldn’t care about it at all as long as Phil is at his side like this. They did that before, spent the night sitting on a bench overlooking the Thames and talking until the sun coloured the city in a soft orange.

“Are you even listening?“ Phil muses at the far away look on Dan’s face. They’re mostly walking straight, but sometimes they stumble a bit, which is courtesy to both their clumsiness and the alcohol that creates a pleasant buzz in their veins.

“Were you talking about something important?,“ Dan asks back with an innocent smile, and Phil mimics cuffing him on the ear jokingly.

Phil opens the door for Dan when they’re at the apartment. The bouquet of red roses that he bought Dan from the flower shop at the corner of the street fills the room with a pleasant aroma. He really goes all out on evenings like this, knowing that Dan loves to receive flowers. Phil would rather not buy them, always having been of the opinion that cutting off flowers is an unnecessary practice, but if it makes Dan happy - and it does, the smile on his face beyond beautiful when he spots the flowers and the habit of smelling them as soon as they are handed over to him adorable - he can fork out money for them from time to time.

They end up on the couch with a movie on the TV. It’s different on date nights, feels more special somehow in contrast to all the other nights that they spend in this position. Phil is lying behind Dan, propped up on a pillow, and Dan’s head rests on his arm. A blanket is draped over the both of them, and neither of them talks, both too focused on the movie.

Dan knows what’s going to happen as soon as he feels Phil shift behind him, and he has to hold back a sigh. He’s expected this already, because that’s usually how their date nights end, entangled in sheets, sweaty skin and stifled moans as to not alert the neighbours.

The soft kisses that Phil peppers along the line of Dan’s neck make the other man shiver, goosebumps appearing as his hot breath tickles Dan’s sensitive skin. Most days, it’s a good kind of shiver, but today it’s the one that makes Dan uncomfortable and squirmy, and he starts to fidget in Phil’s gentle hold, trying to shrug Phil’s lips away from the back of his neck.

“Not in the mood today?“ Phil asks as he cards his fingers through Dan’s brown hair, and Dan shakes his head, a little bit of guilt twisting his stomach after Phil has been so good to him today.

Dan’s sexuality, it’s something fragile that’s hard to explain. Asexual is the term he identifies with the most, although he’s not entirely sure if it fits.

On most days he doesn’t mind sex. Messy blowjobs, quick fucks, handjobs in the shower in the morning before the day begins, long sessions of lovemaking in bed until long after midnight. They are fine, although he’d never actively seek them out because he simply doesn’t need them. When he lets himself go, Dan can enjoy these moments of pleasure with his lover, the feeling of intimate touches elevating him.

On other days, it’s not that easy. Loving touches are welcome, but intimate touches make his skin crawl. He doesn’t know why it is that way, but he can’t stand Phil’s lips on his body in any way that alludes to sexual interactions, and he can’t stand Phil’s skin connecting with his in any way less than innocent.

Sometimes, it fills Dan with guilt that he is this way. He doesn’t understand it either, why his body just doesn’t crave sex, why it sometimes outright rejects the idea of it. It’s shameful to him that he sometimes has to push Phil away, or can only offer him a handjob because he’s not comfortable with anything else.

It’s even worse on nights like tonight, after Phil has gone above and beyond to make Dan’s evening extraordinary.

“You know I don’t mind,“ Phil will comfort Dan over and over again when doubts fill his brain about the possibility of Phil eventually leaving because of this, because Dan can’t give him all that he needs, at all times. “What’s most important is that you’re comfortable, and if sex doesn’t make you comfortable then I don’t need it either.“

But Dan doesn’t always believe that, not when he has to reject Phil when he can clearly feel his dick strain against his grey sweatpants, or when he hasn’t been in the mood for sex for two weeks in a row. The messy handjobs he doesn’t mind giving from time to time when he’s feeling like that can only satisfy someone for so long.

“Are you beating yourself up again?“ Phil asks and presses his lips against Dan’s temple for a short kiss. Dan’s hair smells of lemons, a new shampoo that he’s been trying out recently.

“’m sorry,“ Dan murmurs.

“Don’t be stupid,“ Phil chides him quietly. “I’m kind of glad, because I’m really tired. Don’t know if I can make it to the end of the movie, to be honest. I definitely couldn’t give you my all right now.“

Phil sighs dramatically.

“Too tired to even want sex, I guess I’m really getting old now.“

Dan snorts at that.

“I have been telling you all along, but you never believe me when I say that your pubic hair is starting to turn grey.“

Dan doesn’t even have to look, he just knows that Phil is grimacing at him.

“Don’t be disgusting. How about we skip the sex and jump straight to the showering together? I’ll give you a back rub if you give me one as well.“

“Only if we’re continuing to watch the movie afterwards,“ Dan says, genuinely interested in the plot.

“If you don’t mind me falling asleep.“

“Of course not, old man,“ Dan teases, and he yelps as Phil’s fingers start to tickle his stomach.

Asexual, that’s what Dan thinks he is. He never seeks out sex, but on most days he doesn’t mind having it. On some days, however, just the idea of it repulses Dan, and Phil is entirely okay with that.

And that’s how it should be.


End file.
